March 31, 2011

I am so much afraid of understanding you...

I am so much afraid of understanding you... If I do understand, I cannot keep this distance between us intact... The distances that keep us apart... The distances that make it impossible to touch... I am so much afraid of understanding you... If I do understand, I cannot judge; yet I cannot exist without my arsenal... The defencelessness would weaken me, and I cannot deal with weakness. I am so much afraid of understanding you... If I do understand, I would become transparent... Transparency would draw us together... If I get closer to you, I would have no one to reflect my self-hatred upon... If I get close to you and understand you, I cannot look at the self I’ve laid bare... It’s so cold in here; I cannot go out unless I’ve worn clothes over clothes over clothes... I just can’t... I cannot bring down my walls... If I tear down my walls and left undressed, we would be equals, I can never endure that..


- Meltem Arikan




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We just had to share this with you. /NR

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